Fan Mail
by Missmarauder13
Summary: Once in a while the characters in Harry Potter get mail from devoted fans. Sometimes the questions the fans ask are out of this world. Hate mail, marriage proposals, confession of undying love and many more awkward questions. Fan Mail 2 is up also.


Fan Mail

Summary: HBP spoilers. One shot? Maybe. Once in a while the characters in Harry Potter get mail from devoted fans. Sometimes the questions the fans ask are out of this world. Hate mail, marriage proposals, confessions of undying love and many more awkward questions are yet to come.

Author's Note: Hola readers! Thanks to the people who actually reviewed "Moive Time." It got a lot of hits but not enough of reviews... so review this fic and that fic please. It's very simple. Anyways, hope you enjoy, I've been writing one shot humor fics, since my chapter fics are somewhat of a Drama. My OC is in here... for the peoples who have read "Into the Shadows"... Rachel Lupin. School started... which sucks. I'm in high school! Wow, I feel old now... so enjoy the ficcy and review (good reviews!)

* * *

_To: Tonks,_

_HOW COULD YOU TAKE REMUS! THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE! NOT YOURS! AND YOU'RE **WAY** TO YOUNG FOR HIM. _

_Sincerely,_

_Lupin's Lover_

Tonks wasn't so sure how to react to one of her recent "fan letters." It was more like hate mail and angry fan girls pissed off that she took Remus. She sighed heavily.

"What's wrong?" Remus pushed a chair over and sat next to her. "Angry fan girl's huh?" Tonks nodded. "Don't worry about it. I get worse mail than that," he said, his hands in her bright pink hair. "I sometimes get marriage proposals," he handed her a letter.

_Dear my darling Remus,_

_I love you and always had. I don't care if you and Tonks are together. Please Remus. I WANT you! Will you marry me?_

_Love,_

_Skyblue312_

"What has this world come to," Snape said coldly reading the letter over his shoulder. Tonks started laughing.

"I doubt you have fan girls, Snape,"

"Actually I do and I have angry fans also," he showed them two letters.

_Dear Snapey,_

_OMG! I can't believe you killed Dumbledore! But that doesn't matter. I believe in you, you're innocent. You can run away with me and we can be together for ever._

_Love,_

_Snake Lady_

_To: Snape_

_HOW COULD YOU KILL DUMBLEDORE! I LOVED YOU! NOW YOU'RE A MURDER. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!_

_From: Beth_

Tonks started laughing and Remus was just shocked that fans were loyal to Snape

"Glad you find it amusing Tonks," Snape said bitterly.

"Wow you have some obsessed fan girls," Remus said surprised, laughing.

"So do you. By accident this got in my letters. I found it so disturbing that it had to be one of your fans, since most of your fans were originally Sirius fans, they're insane." Snape threw him the letter

"Thanks," Remus said sarcastically.

_Dear Remus,_

_I love you sooooo much! Please don't die in the next book. I don't know what I would do if you die! Are you still sad that Sirius died? I still am. I wore black that whole week when I found out. I don't want the same thing to happen to you! _

_Love,_

_Miss Marauder13_

"Wow, this is starting to get creepy," Remus put the letter along with all his other letters that beg that he doesn't get killed.

"Cool!" exclaimed Harry, from the other side of the room. "I got a marriage proposal,"

Ginny looked disturbed while Ron was laughing.

_Dear Harry,_

_I love you. Marry me._

_Love and MANY kisses,_

_Ginny Hater_

"That's a lovely name," said Harry sarcastically. "Get any good fan mail?" he asked Remus and Tonks.

"Here's a new one!" Remus found another one he didn't open before.

_Dear Remus,_

_I have a question that a lot of the fan world is dying to know. Are you gay? Were you ever in a realtionship with Sirius? You guys would make a hot couple. If you ever were together, was Sirius a good kisser and well you get the point._

_Love,_

_Kayla Lupin-Black._

"No one needed to see that," Remus stuffed the letter in his pocket.

"I get some of those too," Ron admitted. Harry and Hermione stared at him. "What I get questions like that too, asking me that sorta stuff. It's really creepy,"

"I get those letters too. They ask about Lucius," Snape muttered.

"People actually think…" Tonks started to say. "Now that's funny"

"Of course you **are** Lucius' lap dog," pointed out Remus, grinning.

"Shut it Tonks!" Snape said in a loud whisper. "And you be quiet too Lupin. You and Black were always staring at each other. Did he ever pay you?"

Remus ingnored Snape's question when an owl flew in and gave Remus some letters. "How does Sirius still get mail, even if he's dead!" Four letters were addressed to Sirius.

"I guess some crazy fans still think he's alive," suggested Hermione. "Read one of them,"

_Dear Sirius,_

_I hope you're reading this, which means you're alive and well. We really miss you and I want revenge! Bellatrix should die a slow painful death (so should Peter) . Please come back in the next book. PLEASE! I love you._

_From,_

_Sky_

"It's pathetic they're writing to a dead person," Snape said dryly.

"Some think he's still alive and someone locked him in a broom closet," Remus said, while reading one of the new letters.

"Crazy people," Snape whispered. "One of them probably thinks you're shagging him in the broom closet,"

"Lucius' lap dog," Remus muttered, getting a little bit annoyed with Snape's comments because that's what one person wrote in the letter.

"Werewolf whore,"

"Evil Death Eater potions master bastard,"

"Homless bum,"

"Am not!"

"You live with Tonks and sleep with her,"

"OK! WE CAN SHUT THE HELL UP about this now!" Tonks said angrily. "Let's not dicuss anyones' sex life or in your case Snape, lack of one,"

"That was harsh... but excellent," commented Ron grinning.

"So do you have any mail Hermione?" Harry asked his friend.

_Dear Hermione,_

_Hello. I was wondering, who do you like? Is it Ron or Harry? Or do you like Professor Snape? You and Ron would be cute together...I hated when Ron was with Lavender. I know you did too._

_From: The monster under your bed_

"Well," Hermione looked red in the face. "It could have been worse. I just don't understand! Why is it that all of a sudden we get this odd mail asking us who we love? They thought that Professor Snape..."

Her sentence ended abruptly when a woman walked in. "Hello everybody!" she said happily. It was Rachel Lupin, Remus' not so much younger sister. She had darker brown hair and big amber eyes, who were staring at all of them. "Got some fan mail huh? Thank goodness I don't get that stuff. Fans make rumors about you... I've known I read some of Remy's old fan mail,"

"You read my fan mail," Remus said to her in a deathly tone.

"Ya, it's damn funny," she said. "And so is Snape's mail. You really **are **Lucius' pet," she was smirking.

"Hi Rachel," said Ron sorta dreamily.

"LEAVE!" yelled Snape and Remus at the same time.

"Wow you agree with something..." Rachel said in a mock horror. Everyone else rolled their eyes.

"Go away Rachel," Remus said annoyed

"Really Snape," Rachel said not paying attention to her brother "People think you have another hobby than brewing potions," Rachel grinned widely, alost everyone in the room understood what she meant. "It is a laughing matter,"

"I don't even wanna picture that," Tonks said rubbing her head.

"Go away! You shouldn't be talking!" Snape glared at her.

"I love you too Snape," she said. Everyone else wasn't sure if she wasjoking or being serious."I have to go anyway. Ta ta!" She winked atblack haired manand messed up Remus' hair and left.

"I'm going to kill her," Remus said in a half serious tone and fixed his hair.

"No I will," said Snape.

"Do we have any more mail that we would like to share?" Hermione asked.

"Ron didn't show us any letters,"

"And Ginny,"

"Oh alright!" the redheads said together.

_Dear Ginny,_

_I want to say... FINALLY! You and Harry snogged, congrats! You guys make an aborable couple. I hope you guys get together again._

_From:Ginny/Harry shipper_

"That's nice," Tonks said cheerfully.

Another owl came in to give Remus a letter. "Another one?" he sighed. Snape snorted.

_Dear Remus,_

_YOU SICK PERVERT! YOU AND TONKS EWW! SHE TOO YOUNG FOR YOU! I thought you would be smart enugh to know that! I really liked you... now you disgust me._

_From: Rose_

"Ok then," Remus said and threw the letter in the fire.

"Some of the people are crazy," commented Ron. "One of my letters asked me if i ever snogged Harry...I didn't!"

"It's ok Ron," Hermione said, patting Ron's shoulder.

"Thanks,"

"Bill and Fleur have some letters," Tonks mentioned. "But I think they're busy right now,"

"Doing what?" Harry asked dumbly.

"I'm not gonna answer,"

"Well since we don'thave any more letters we should leave before something more awkward or Lupin gets anymore letters asking him about his sexual prefence," Snape said flatly and left the room along with the other Harry Potter characters.

XXXXX

"That was sure amusing," Remus said later on when he and Tonks were getting ready to go to bed (A/N: I'm not saying any more about this. This ship isn't my fave and this fic is only rated PG 13 grins) "Fan girls are crazy,"

"I'm surprised they haven't stalked anyone of us and a mob of crazy fans haven't attacked us," said Tonks, jumping into bed.

"If that wasn't our biggest problems," he sighed, still in the bathroom.

Tonks was wating for him, and out of her boredom found his old fan letters. She started laughing. "Remus!"

"Yes," he said and ran into the bedroom.

"You should really find another place to hide your letters. I thought you would know better. Seriously, hiding them under a pillow," she giggled agian reading one. "You sister is right. They are damn funny! Perfect blackmail for anyone who wants to get revenge on you. We should find Snape's!"

* * *

Author's Note: Hehehe! I'm done... review please. Will Tonks and Remus look for Snape's letters! Who knows? I do hehehe. But that's the end. I would like that,reviews please. Sorry if there are some erros.Thanks. I know... random... but randomenss is good sometimes. It makes people laugh. Bye bye... and REVIEW! 


End file.
